Stand on one leg...

I seem to spend more time going for X-rays, physiotherapy and podiatrist appointments than anyone else I know. I don't know what it is, but I seem to have seriously problematic feet. The most exciting foot problem in recent memory was, of course, my ankle injury last year, where I managed to tear all the ligaments in my ankle by falling down a hill on a hike (admittedly, this is how I met He of Many Sports Injuries, which is a good thing, but over a year down the line, my ankle is still slightly swollen and fairly dodgy at the best of times).

The saga appears to be continuing, because my podiatrist has noticed that my shoulders aren't the same height. She sent me for X-rays and referred me to a biokineticist in the hope of getting to the bottom of the problem. The X-rays have shown that my legs are fine and aren't different lengths and that the issue seems to involve my hips and sacrum.

I headed off to the biokineticist today with a fair amount of trepidation. Firstly, it was absolutely freezing and so I was wearing about 6 layers and secondly, I'm not particularly fit and not at all flexible at the moment, as the dodgy ankle has made balancing difficult and I've thus been avoiding yoga for about a year. So, I knew that at some point I would be asked to balance on one leg or something and end up falling over.

I met the biokineticist, Janine, about 2 weeks ago, and she was very bubbly and friendly. I arrived today to discover that she had multiplied and I thus spent the morning being stared at by 3 pretty blond ladies. It was rather intimidating. I had to stand (facing them, turned to the left, turned to the right and facing away from them) while they scrutinised me and used assorted words (mostly 'posterior' and anterior') to describe my shoulders, hips and, most likely, my collarbone. Then the complicated stuff started. I had to bend over and touch my toes. Now, for some bizarre reason, even after 16 years of ballet, I have never been able to comfortably touch my toes. I got fairly close today, and while doing so, the biokineticists got very excited and became fascinated by my lumber spine (particularly L10 to L12). I have no idea what was going on, but it was apparently a medical breakthrough and they were very interested in my vertebrae. I have to admit that I was too scared to ask what was actually going on. After the excitement caused by L10 to L12, we moved onto me standing on one leg (which wasn't that bad, actually) and then doing some squats (with the biokineticist squad encouraging/intimidating me by saying "Surely you can go lower than that?!"). The worst part was the "balance on one leg while doing a squat" part, because the scar tissue in my ankle simply will not allow this combination of movements.

After this, I had to lie on their examining table while they poked and prodded every muscle in my body, asking what hurt. Oddly enough, the things which I expected to hurt were fine and the things that I thought were fine nearly brought tears to my eyes when pressed. All the scrutiny about my muscle strength has made me really paranoid. I mean, I'm not a blob of jelly - I run and stretch and I've always been fairly active, but the way they were writing things down and muttering about 'posterior' and 'anterior' things made me wonder whether they thought that I just sat in front of the TV and ate chocolate and corn starch all day.

We then moved onto the treadmill. Now, I have never had a gym contract and so my exposure to treadmills has been rather limited. Even at a walking pace, I didn't trust myself to not fall on my face. Miraculously, I survived both the running and the walking while the committee observed me from behind and said things about my hips.

I am not entirely sure what's actually wrong with me. I think my sacrum is misaligned, which is affecting my hips, which is affecting my legs when I run. This explains the back pain and all the other symptoms and aches and pains. And despite the strange scrutiny process, I actually enjoyed the assessment and I'm looking forward to my appointment on Monday, where whatever is wrong 'anteriorally' or 'posteriorally' (in L10 to L12) will hopefully begin to be corrected.