Sometimes, I really wonder if I’m losing my mind. Not in the “I’ve misplaced my car keys 14 times” or the “I’m hearing disembodied voices which are telling me to become a nuclear physicist” kind of way, but in the way that certain completely arbitrary things are having an enormous impact on me in the strangest ways. This is alongside the bizarre things that keep happening to me (and I promise that I will get around to that second post on the weird occurrences soon!)!
Allow me to explain. For the last few weeks, I haven’t been feeling 100% like myself. I haven’t been feeling like some else entirely, so don’t worry about diagnosing me with dissociate identity disorder. I’ve just been feeling as if my life is playing out like some weird postmodern novel – a postmodern novel with a good dose of magical realism in it! And it’s been happening in a lot of different areas of my life – from people I’ve recently met, to old friends, events that I’ve been invited to and even varsity. I feel a bit like Jim Carrey’s character in “The Truman Show”, to be honest, mostly because I feel like something is going on, but I don’t quite know what it is! And I really have been feeling the strangest things for the oddest reasons, and doing some weird things too, such as my previous blog post. I’m still wondering where it came from.
If all this is starting to sound as if I should be sending myself for psychiatric evaluation, allow me to give an example (although it may merely prove that I should be shipped off to Tara). My friend, Sexy Jake, who moved to London last year, has been on holiday in South Africa for the last 3 weeks. We went for coffee during the first week that he was here (during which I managed to have a truly psychotic reaction to a slice of lemon cake at the coffee shop we were at, and giggled for about an hour, to the point where Jake was considering driving me home, but that’s another story), and last week we went for drinks with one of his friends, Agreeable Dave. Jake picked me up from my house, and while we were chatting, we listened to a random mixed CD, which had everything on it from aKING to Jack Johnson. The song which really stood out for me though was the Death Cab for Cutie song, “I will follow you into the dark”. To me, it’s just one of those songs which gives me goosebumps and a lump in my throat every time I hear it. Strangely enough, it also always makes me feel incredibly happy. This is probably proof that I was an emo kid in another life, more than anything else. Nonetheless, I heard the song at least twice that night, and had it going round my head for the rest of the week.
This probably doesn’t sound that amazing, but a couple of days later, though, a friend of mine posted a note on Facebook, simply entitled “29 songs that, at various points, have seemed to provide the perfect accompaniment to life's varied turns”, and lo and behold, the Death Cab for Cutie song was on the list. This was really just a coincidence. I don’t know this friend incredibly well. We were in a couple of classes together in first year and only really started chatting in 2008, mostly about philosophy courses and other random things. Having read through the list of the songs that he had chosen was an amazing experience though, because I connected with so many of them in my own way. I see this guy as an incredible intellectual who occasionally descends into the realm of us mere mortals who are studying BA’s, but reading through the songs which had touched him gave me this feeling of connectedness, though I doubt that the songs hold any similar meaning for both of us! I read through the list with a smile on my face though, because it was so interesting to gain this insight into his life – and into something so personal. It was weirdly profound, and I carried this feeling with me for the rest of the day.
I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense whatsoever. I just seem to be empathising with random people in completely unexpected ways, being moved by the oddest things. Maybe I’m heading towards looming insanity, but I’m finding the whole experience really fascinating!
Here are the lyrics to the song, just in case you were wondering what I was on about. If they provoke any weird emotions in you, please let me know! Maybe I’m not as crazy as I think I am!
Allow me to explain. For the last few weeks, I haven’t been feeling 100% like myself. I haven’t been feeling like some else entirely, so don’t worry about diagnosing me with dissociate identity disorder. I’ve just been feeling as if my life is playing out like some weird postmodern novel – a postmodern novel with a good dose of magical realism in it! And it’s been happening in a lot of different areas of my life – from people I’ve recently met, to old friends, events that I’ve been invited to and even varsity. I feel a bit like Jim Carrey’s character in “The Truman Show”, to be honest, mostly because I feel like something is going on, but I don’t quite know what it is! And I really have been feeling the strangest things for the oddest reasons, and doing some weird things too, such as my previous blog post. I’m still wondering where it came from.
If all this is starting to sound as if I should be sending myself for psychiatric evaluation, allow me to give an example (although it may merely prove that I should be shipped off to Tara). My friend, Sexy Jake, who moved to London last year, has been on holiday in South Africa for the last 3 weeks. We went for coffee during the first week that he was here (during which I managed to have a truly psychotic reaction to a slice of lemon cake at the coffee shop we were at, and giggled for about an hour, to the point where Jake was considering driving me home, but that’s another story), and last week we went for drinks with one of his friends, Agreeable Dave. Jake picked me up from my house, and while we were chatting, we listened to a random mixed CD, which had everything on it from aKING to Jack Johnson. The song which really stood out for me though was the Death Cab for Cutie song, “I will follow you into the dark”. To me, it’s just one of those songs which gives me goosebumps and a lump in my throat every time I hear it. Strangely enough, it also always makes me feel incredibly happy. This is probably proof that I was an emo kid in another life, more than anything else. Nonetheless, I heard the song at least twice that night, and had it going round my head for the rest of the week.
This probably doesn’t sound that amazing, but a couple of days later, though, a friend of mine posted a note on Facebook, simply entitled “29 songs that, at various points, have seemed to provide the perfect accompaniment to life's varied turns”, and lo and behold, the Death Cab for Cutie song was on the list. This was really just a coincidence. I don’t know this friend incredibly well. We were in a couple of classes together in first year and only really started chatting in 2008, mostly about philosophy courses and other random things. Having read through the list of the songs that he had chosen was an amazing experience though, because I connected with so many of them in my own way. I see this guy as an incredible intellectual who occasionally descends into the realm of us mere mortals who are studying BA’s, but reading through the songs which had touched him gave me this feeling of connectedness, though I doubt that the songs hold any similar meaning for both of us! I read through the list with a smile on my face though, because it was so interesting to gain this insight into his life – and into something so personal. It was weirdly profound, and I carried this feeling with me for the rest of the day.
I’m not sure if any of this makes any sense whatsoever. I just seem to be empathising with random people in completely unexpected ways, being moved by the oddest things. Maybe I’m heading towards looming insanity, but I’m finding the whole experience really fascinating!
Here are the lyrics to the song, just in case you were wondering what I was on about. If they provoke any weird emotions in you, please let me know! Maybe I’m not as crazy as I think I am!
"Love of mine someday you will die
But I’ll be close behind and I’ll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
And illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me, “Son,
Fear is the heart of love,” so I never went back
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
But I’ll be close behind and I’ll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight waiting for the hint of a spark
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
And illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me, “Son,
Fear is the heart of love,” so I never went back
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
And illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary and now the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down: the time for sleep is now
But it’s nothing to cry about
‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary and now the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down: the time for sleep is now
But it’s nothing to cry about
‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
And illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark"
1 comment:
great blog :)
Post a Comment